Tears of Sweet Release

I did it! I finally got a good cry out! It was because of the beautiful music of the Bells at Temple Square concert last night. They were PHENOMINAL!! We laughed. We were entertained. Then.... they played "You Raise Me Up" and... I cried. As a steady stream of tears flowed down my face, I felt Heaven's love wrap her arms tightly around me, as if to say, "We know you are here. We are aware of your pain. We love you." It was incredibly healing. 

After a really great conversation with my friend who invited me, and as I sit here listening to my eldest play the piano, I have realized something very profound to my life. The tears I need to shed in order to keep my emotions balanced will often come through music. That is my language I communicate with to the heavens. 

I was burnt out because for a long time everything in my life was music. Everything... church obligations, personal activities, work.... so I took a big step back. It consumed my life to an unhealthy degree. Then, I became a bit confused as to who I was, because I had let go of all the music. I am nothing without music. It is my heart and soul. I just need to find the balance of it in my life. I need to allow it to bring me comfort and peace.... and I need to allow myself to cry tears of sweet release. 

Beautifully releasing-
Mama Dragon

Feeling Funky

My eldest ofen reminds me that I am the only one who still uses words from the '80s such as "rad" or "funky." I let him know that I simply do not care who uses them. >wink< That being said, I have been in a bit of a funk the past few days. Yesterday, I realized the amount of grief and stress my life has seen over the past 9 weeks and I felt the need to cry... but I couldn't. I put on sad movies, no tears. I heard about a tragic car accident.... no tears, only sadness. It is unlike me to hold my tears in. What is going on??

I figured it out. I just am in a funk. That's all. Not good, not bad, but just is. We all get a little funky now and then. That is the point we need to take a step back, take some deep breaths, and just let life be for a moment so we can restore our senses once again.

It's alright to be a little funky now and again, as long as it does not destroy your life or take you from accomplishing your tasks. As for now, just let me cry (if the tears will come).

Tears of Frustration, Tears of Peace

Today, I wanted to cry. In fact, I did cry! In our Primary Congregation, we have nearly 200 kids. They are divided up into to groups: Junior and Senior Primary. Like the other choristers around the world, I had this beautiful plan in place to read a quote by my uncle, Elder L. Tom Perry, about singing a song from the top of our lungs. I finished up our regular song practice with our younger kids and pulled out pictures of a man many recognized, Elder Perry. Regardless of how I tried, the talking would not stop. There were kids climbing over kids, kids playing with their neighbor, kids practicing dance moves.... none of us adults could get them to calm down! Over 50 kids ages 3-6 and they were.... exhausting!! I was working hard to make the moment special, to tell them from a personal point of view how it felt to know this man on a personal level, and nothing worked. Teachers were practically sitting on their students to get them to settle down. We had done everything up to this point, including wiggle songs, whispering, talking loudly, having them stand to sing... 

NOTHING. WORKED. Trying to get through my assigned time, I hastily finished my lesson, telling the next teacher (a member of our bishopric, or a clergyman), "Good luck,"collected my teaching items, then returned to my seat. Things did not go much better for him, as all of the children (who usually are very well behaved) decided that today was the day they would be, well.... kids! (What are they thinking?!) >wink<

While the room was switching to the older kids (ages 7-11), I stood at the piano, my back turned to everyone, and closed my eyes. As I fought tears of frustration, I offered up a prayer that went something like this: Oh Uncle Tom, I am so sorry! This was supposed to be a special tribute for you, and it turned into a hot mess. I have let you down. I am so very sorry. 

As soon as I thought those words, I felt his response of laughing. Laughing! Of all the nerve, why would he laugh at me when I was trying so hard to do something for him?! I felt a whisper from heaven tell me: Young Lady, >laugh< they are kids! Enjoy them! 

Well! I'll tell you what I did! I.... sighed. He was right. They were little kids and probably busting at the seams with the break of rainy weather and beautiful sun shining. I would be too! 

As I turned to welcome the older kids with a song, they immediately settled in their chairs, becoming reverent. All of us leaders were ever so grateful. one of them quickly commented that they were a breath of fresh air. When it was time to pay tribute, these children listened wholeheartedly as I shared stories of my relationship with someone incredibly special. I bore witness that as we sang, the Holy Ghost would let them know if the message of the song held eternal truths, as my uncle taught. It was beautiful and moving as they did indeed sing "from the top of their lungs with enthusiasm." How I rejoiced in that moment in knowing that he could hear us from heaven.

I did not video these students of mine, but other choristers around the world recorded their primaries. One local Portuguese Branch song leader sent me a video of his children singing in their native language. I was moved to tears as these children paid tribute to such a revered man. What a kind service! How grateful I am to be part of such an organization that teaches truths such as "Families can be together forever." How grateful I am for this message being my uncle's legacy. 

Singing with enthusiasm, 

Mama Dragon