Parenting is Like Pancake Toppings

Parenting our children is as similar as how we all eat our pancakes. These pancakes- or methods of parenting- is what I have observed in my own life. No two pancakes are the same, yet some are definitely better than others. 

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Some parenting is like an overload of syrup- sticky and sweet, giving children everything they want with a "Yes, Sweetheart" attached; the child having a tantrum until they get what they want. Upon observation, these parents seem to be more focused on keeping a smile (albeit fake) attached to their lips, rather then learning to say "No" to their children, because they do not want to disappoint. These parents burn out rather quickly and tire easily because they are simply exhausted. 

Other parenting is like whipping cream- light and fluffy. These parents do not put their whole heart and soul into molding their children into become productive members of society. They fill the time with a comments such as "sure" or "uh-huh" while the parent is on their electronic device, not really paying attention. The children know the right moment to ask their parent a question such as "May I go to a party with Liz?" or "Can I go see a movie with Jake?" because they know the parent is not really listening and will not drill them on more details. When they find out the party was one full of drinking or the movie was worse than an R-rated, the parents find the child to be at fault. 

There are parenting methods that are similar to the fruity topping on pancakes. These are the parents who are in no way prepared to have children. Not being willing to learn from their grandmother or mother, these parents refuse to read a parenting book, or take a class because they know it all- or so they think. This method of parenting can be very harmful to their children because they may not know the right way to nurture the teething baby, encourage a child to read, or feed children healthy portions of food. Because they refuse to listen to anyone else, the children may be the ones to suffer. 

The seemingly healthiest parenting I have observed are like the pancakes with butter, syrup, and maybe a few bits of fried egg or bacon crumbled on top of the pancakes. Some may like all of the toppings, others may think it is too much. However, this parent is trying to find the perfect balance for their family. These are the ones that seem to raise up their children to be healthy and happy. These are the parents that are willing to admit to their mistakes, and work hard to do better next time. The kids may even rebel a bit, but deep down they always know they are loved and wanted. They follow their dreams, fulfill their passions, and raise up their own successful families. Success does not mean they have a big home and fancy cars. It simply means that they have taken the best of what was inside of them, nurturing, providing, and loving their kids into a healthy place in their own lives. 

Although there are no two exact same methods of parenting, there are a few key ideas to remember. 

1- It's alright to say no. Children do not need everything they want. Parents provide for their needs. Then, give them opportunities to earn the wants through extra chores, yardwork, etc. 

2- We cannot afford it is not a swear word. It is a reasonable response when it is truth. It teaches kids that they can earn and save up for something they really want, such as a new bike, or a trip to Disneyland. It also encourages living within your means. 

3- Spend time on memories, not things. When your kids are gown, do you want them telling their children stories of how "Dad was too busy playing on his phone to take me shopping for school supplies, and no we didn't go for ice cream afterward like he promised, but he got me this new video game, so I just played that for hours every Saturday." 

4- It's ok to be wrong..... and admit it. When I am wrong, I admit it, not just apologizing to my children, but showing them through deed as well that I am striving to not make the mistake again. I work really hard to not be snarky in my responses to them and they learn that I am still learning as well. 

5- Ask for help! Whether you are a first-time mother, or a 8th- time father, each child is different and you may need an extra helping hand to raise them. This is acceptable!! If you are in the early years of parenting, find a young lady in the neighborhood and hire her as a mother's helper. If your child is a teen and has a tendency to be wayward, help them find a mentor outside the home. They may just need to talk and do not always feel comfortable sharing with their parents. Having outside help is not wrong, it's a resource!

6- When we respect our children, they respect us./Teach by example. This is key to successful parenting. If I want my children to knock on my bedroom door before entering, I need to show them the same respect on their bedroom doors. If I want them to play less on their i-pad and be more outside, I need to get off my laptop and grab a frisbee, inviting them to join me in a game. 

Children desire to be taught by us. They watch us, observing and copying how we handle life. How will you teach them? What kind of pancake topping will you be? 

Finding the balance-
Mama Dragon

Balancing Act

Do you remember as a kid, you would stand on one foot and try to hop without falling over? Do you recall using the cracks on the sidewalk and pretend it was a tight rope? These acts of balancing were symbolic for what was to come in our adult lives: finding balance. 

On a regular basis, I get asked "How do you do it all?" This is in regards to homeschooling, canning, writing music, serving my neighbor.... etc. Here are a few things that those in front of the scene do not realize is going on behind the scenes... I don't. Just like our invisible tight ropes, life is a balancing act. Each of us has to find our point of balance and it will never be the same as another's. 

When my husband and I were newlyweds, we decided that for the time being, I would work outside the home. Eventually, we wanted me to be home with our children. I worked up until my 6th month of pregnancy with our first baby, which was miraculous in itself, because of so many complications. When he was a couple of months old, we decided I was going to return to work for the time being, to lighten my husband's load. He was in school full time, working a full and part time job, and not getting more than a wink of sleep each night. In me returning to work, he was able to decrease his load somewhat when he left one of his jobs. I was blessed in finding a job that allowed me to take my baby with me. 

When Eldest reached about 6 months old, I remember hearing one of my church leaders speak about motherhood in our semi-annual church conference. He explained that God's desire for families was to have mothers be the nurturers of the home, and if she was able, the mother should be home with the children. We took that seriously and after consulting the Lord in prayer, I left my job and came home- permanently. 

Eldest is now preparing to graduate from high school in a few weeks and I have been blessed to be a stay-at-home-mom these 17 years to our four children. It has not been easy financially, nor always emotionally, but it has been worth it. 

My balancing act comes in the form of being a SAHM. I do not "do it all" but as a SAHM, part of my responsibilities are to help us be financially frugal (I do not clip coupons, just FYI), see that my children are getting a proper education (two kids are homeschooled, two are in public school), and raise them up in righteousness (I'm a Mama Dragon). I write music when the Lord inspires me to but it is currently not my full-time occupation. (The past two years, I have hardly touched music because I went through a health crisis and my family also needed me to focus on them.) Why wouldn't I do all of these things? They are part of who I am, and who I care to be. I do not let any one area rule my entire time so in them, I am able to find balance. 

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When we are following our own path, finding our own balance, there are no absolute rules. In my church, there are guidelines, but things can be adjusted to individual needs. Each of us has multiple responsibilities- be it family, job, church, community service opportunities, etc. We each do what we need to do in order to find balance. The key is to not let any one area take over our entire existence. The key is to stay upright so that we do not fall. 

When a gymnast trains, they do not learn only the balance beam, or only the parallel bars, or only the rings. they learn each area of the gym. As they train, they may find they are stronger on one event than another, but they still remain a sense of balance so they can perform in each area.  That is how we should balance our lives! 

Make a list of all the areas you have a responsibility: home (meal planning, cleaning, helping with homework), work outside the home, church and community, hobbies. Then, prioritize your list. In my life, it is God, Family (including time for myself), Church, everything else (which changes according to seasons of my life). Take some time to really think through these areas and create your own gymnastics routine. One key to this is learning it is absolutely alright to say NO! This took me a very long time to figure out, but when I mastered it, my life became bearable, and breathable. Perhaps you need to cut out social media time in order to plan menus. Maybe you need to give a little more responsibilities to your growing children in order to have time to play the piano once in a while. Instead of being PTA president, maybe you can just be a member! I cannot do it all! I don't do it all! I have to honor the no's in order to make room for the yes's. 

When I am on the balance beam (figuratively), I cannot do rings, vault, or unevens. I can, however, adjust my time at the gym in order to accommodate all the areas I do need to practice and have a successful dismount in the end. Life is a balancing act. Adjust your routine as needed, for when you find balance, you find peace. 

Balancing the world- 

Mama Dragon