Anything

Due to some recent events in my life, I have been forced to take a hard look at some of my own personal choices in how I am caring for myself, and in turn caring for those that are my responsibility. It has been eye-opening, to say the least. This morning, as I have spent a few minutes with God, the question came to mind... What are you willing to do to accomplish God's will for you here on earth, to fulfill your mission before you return Home? Without hesitation, I responded, "Anything."  I mean this. It is truth.  

Like most people I know, life has been a series of constant uphill battles that seem to be lost more than won. Choices that you felt good about turned into the hardest trials of your life, rest only coming for a single day. And just when you think things are finally settling down, as Life and her trials pop up again, forcing you to be on our toes and you grab your sword and shield and prepare for yet another fight. You are exhausted, yet somehow, like the warriors of old, you keep going.... because you are willing to do so.

Time after time on social media, I will see loved ones post "I'm Done" because they cannot find one more ounce of strength to face the monsters in front of them. How hard life must be in those moments! Certainly we have all come to that point where we just cannot seem to go on one more day. When one gets to that low point, where is it they are drawing strength from? Is it from Facebook? Twitter? NBC? How about... from God?! If we focus our energy and became consciously aware of our literal connection with God, as His children, stripping away the World's view of what we should do or who we should become, and redirecting our efforts on who He knows we already are, where would we be? The only thing we would be "done" with is the negativity, the criticism, the ideals that come from a darkness God never wants us to give into!! We would know that because of a loving Heavenly Father sacrificing His Son, who Atoned for us, that we can do hard things, and we will be able to keep going. 

The other day I read a quote that said something like: Life will always be an uphill battle for those who are doing right. Isn't that truth? My Friends, we are not here in this life to rest and have vacations everyday. We are here to work, to learn, to further our Divine knowledge and prove to our Father in Heaven that we will do all it takes to return to Him again in His time, when we have accomplished all He wants us to. I ask: What are you willing to do? Are you willing to care for your one and only body He gave you? To find a belief system that aligns with His? To serve only in ways that the Savior would do? Are you willing to fight for your family so your children may have the best education? Are you willing to be on the internet less so your little girl can read to you and know that her time with you is valued? Are you willing to say no to that second job because although it may mean a more humble home, it means more time with your family? Day by day, we will each have decisions to make. Day by day we can strip down the incorrect ideals that surround us and be the person God intended for us to be since we were born. What are you willing to do to accomplish those things? What are you willing to do to fulfill your purpose here on earth? 

Finding my purpose, 

Mama Dragon

Miracles

Last Sunday, July 26th to be exact, I hit a brick wall. After some negative events and the building emotions I had not dealt with for weeks, even months in some cases, I woke up in complete misery and anger towards members of my church. As I prayed that morning, I told God I did not want to experience the feelings I was carrying, and that I wanted to work through these enormous struggles as quickly as possible. I told Him that I was going to attend church that morning but I did not know if would return, so to please have a message to let me know that I was wanted, that I belonged there. 

After getting dressed, I went to our worship services, ready to feel again. The tears I had been holding in for weeks finally began to trickle out when my dear friend began playing Paul Cardall's "Redeemer." Music is my language but even it had not been able to work through the wall of bricks I had been building, until that moment. After that breathtaking piano solo, the main speaker in our congregation was a young woman of 20 who was leaving three days later to serve a proselyting mission in Indianapolis, Indiana. She bore witness that we are each going to have our struggles throughout life, but we need to keep going, to continue on until we cross the finish line. She shared the well-penned poem "The Race" and it's message was exactly what I needed to hear. I wept openly as I felt the love of my Heavenly Father tell me that indeed, I was wanted there. 

The next hour would test me to a make-or-break point. During that time, I got into a heated discussion with a child of mine, through text. All of the feelings I had been struggling with for months- hurt, sadness, grief, betrayal loneliness- came to a head. I could not continue on and for the first time in my 38 years of my born-and-raise-and-continually-active LDS life, I walked away from church and had no plan to return. 

I went home and wept more than I had in a very long time. For hours I cried. I reached out to my closest friends who immediately let me know they were concerned for me, and that I was loved. I went to a Facebook group for missionary parents (with 9000+ members) and shared my struggle.  Immediately, I received an overwhelming response, so much so that I could not read everything at that time. It was too much kindness! Too much love in that moment. I took a nap, had some visitors that I asked to pray for me, then read some more love notes as I wept. A while later, I had some unexpected visitors- one being our bishop (ecclesiastical leader) and his wife. My youngest son had sent him a message, telling him I needed to talk. They came with no judgement, only love. When they left, I felt validated in my feelings, but still on very shaky ground. I still had no intentions of returning to church worship services. At the request of my children, I attended a church function that evening, but just for a short time. Then, I quietly slipped out. 

At 8:40 pm I headed to my dear friend's house. She knew I was coming and needed some soul sister time. She gave me a gift that would change everything. She gave me the gift of teaching me to use the Atonement to clear out the negative energy in my life and to fill my soul with light instead. She taught me how to recognize that when the feeling or task is heavy, it is not truth, but when it is light, then it is truth. "My yoke is easy and my burden is light," she shared. She helped me see that in my life, as I faced difficult tasks and obstacles, the Light of Christ will bring peace and comfort through it all. It may be hard, but it does not have to be dark and heavy- those feelings are from the adversary, not Christ. His love is Light. She asked, "Why do we keep trying to fix things He has already taken care of (through the Atonement)?"As we did energy work and statement clearing exercises, I felt tangible healing to my soul. I knew there were hundreds praying for me and did not know at the time some had even began fasting for me! That night, I felt angels carrying the love of those missionary parents directly to me, wrapping it around me with their arms. Human touch is a necessity. Heavenly touch is Divine. 

When I left to return home 2 hours later, I was a completely different person that walked in. I felt joy, I felt peace, I felt loved, but mostly I felt Light! By the next day, as I read the remaining notes of support and encouragement, I knew I was going to be just fine. 

I shared my thoughts with the parents that included: This morning, I awoke, feeling like a COMPLETELY different person.... or the person I USED to be, before I got lost in the people of the Church. It is remarkable and I cannot begin to describe the peace I feel this day. I do not like carrying grudges and I let them go last night. I feel light and joy and have been smiling all day!! I ABSOLUTELY credit you sisters for your love and prayers and testimonies. God heard ALL of our prayers and softened my heart quickly.... because I was READY to let go!

I know that I will meet more people in the future that are.... human. I will take this TRULY miraculous event and humbly turn it to the Savior and choose to not be offended, but just to allow HIM to take care of them, just as He has taken care of me, through His Atonement. 

Recognizing this for what it was- a miracle- I have come to believe that miracles take place when we are ready for them to. I wanted to change! I wanted a softening of my heart and so I was ready. I expected a miracle and I received one. This is the "faith that proceeds the miracle" and it's joy is oh, so heavenly!

I have a renewed sense of who I am. I do not go to church to please others, I go to worship God. I will no longer be afraid to be true to myself, Daughter of a King. 

Expecting Miracles,
Mama Dragon

Leaving a Legacy

The past few minutes have been spent scrolling through snapshots I took at my uncle's funeral. Some of them will be edited later on to include in my own personal history. As I looked at the faces and gestures of love shared, I began to wonder how I will be remembered when I leave this mortal world. This is not the first I have thought this, as I have survived a failing heart and am now doing well. When someone dies, it is a time for re-evaluating one's life. What will the world say about me? Will anyone remember the contributions I have made? Will I have done anything important to build God's Kingdom on Earth? The pictures I am sharing bring forth these kinds of thoughts of the legacy I know my uncle has left behind, one that I hope to grow from. 

Elder L. Tom Perry was a Marine. At the end of WWII, he was one of the first occupation troops to enter Japan. This picture of them relaxing was taken after the honorable service these young men provided at the graveside. The playing of "Taps" moved many of us to tears. The final salute to my Aunt Barbara took my breath away. 

During the photo sessions, I looked up to see this lovely sight. Look carefully. Each Marine is placing his hand on his neighbor's shoulder, I imagine to signify unity and brotherhood. They offered a moment of silence to this beloved man. It was incredibly moving.

I learned that Alex Boye' is my relative. >wink< When I saw him in the family seating at the funeral services, I expressed gratitude for his support. He told me that my uncle was the one who sealed Alex and his wife in the temple, so that made us all family. This is a photo of my "cousin" and I at the graveside. 

Alex and the Marines had a few joyful minutes together. I am sure Uncle Tom was smiling at the happy memories being made in his honor. 

One sight that touched me at the viewing and the graveside was that of the flowers. Each Church Auxiliary send flowers to the family. How beautiful! 

After the burial, I went to get my car at Temple Square. Two casually dressed gentlemen were facing this flag across the grounds from them. As I passed by, I overheard one saying ".... it was an Elder Perry or something that passed away. Apparently he was a leader of some kind in their church." I paused, turned, and walked over to them. I smiled kindly at them for their curious respects they were paying. I explained I overheard them and I just just come from the funeral of the man they were discussing. Very respectfully, one man asked, "Who was he" to which I replied, "His name was L. Tom Perry and he was my uncle." They explained they were tourists and had inquired to someone why the flags were being flown at half mast. Until then, I had not even noticed. All of the flags on Temple Square were flown at half mast! How lovely! One man asked, "He was a leader in your local church here?" Suppressing a chuckle, I smiled and replied, "Yes, he was an elder, and one of head leaders in this worldwide church and he was a very good man." They offered their condolences, which I accepted, and I left, pausing to take this picture. I absolutely love that Elder Perry's legacy was already reaching people, so quickly after his passing. 

When I leave this frail existence, when I lay this mortal by
Father, Mother, may I meet You in Your royal courts on high?
[Oh My Father, by Eliza R. Snow]

I know that when I leave this frail existence, I hope people know that I had striven to live the best life I could. I want them to know that I loved serving others because it made me happy, and brought me closer to the Savior, not just because it was expected of me. I want my posterity to know that I was grateful for the gifts God blessed me with and I desired to use them for the building of His Kingdom on Earth. Most of all, I hope to be remembered for my testimony of Jesus Christ, that through His Atonement, we can find everlasting peace, that through Him we can be saved, and by His grace, and the covenants we make in the Temple, families CAN be together- forever! How grateful I am to have personally known someone to live an exemplary life! May we all strive to become more like the One perfect man to walk this earth- even Jesus Christ. 

Living a Legacy-
Mama Dragon