Living Joyfully

For those that are closest to me, it is no secret that I have been undergoing a transformation of sorts since my heart surgery nearly three years ago; a rebirth of my spirit, so to speak. I have paddled hard as the dark waters have tried to confound me and I have struggled to gasp for air as I have fought, sometimes seemingly in vain, to keep my head above water. There has been a light slowly finding its way through the darkness, and now after sinking, drowning, battling to stay afloat, it seems the light has not only pierced through, but has filled my every soul. It has shined it's way into the broken and fragile being I was and brought love and healing into every crevice of my heart, mending it beyond the medical repairs; allowing it to illuminate something nearly tangible as I begin to embrace the new me.

One aspect of me finding my way to the new me has been that I have not been pursuing my music as much as I used to. I went from writing Christian songs up to four times a week, to writing maybe twice a year. I stopped performing, nearly completely stopped creating, and ultimately, stopped walking a path I knew I was supposed to travel since the age of seven. This has not all been bad, wrong, or neglectful. It has simply been what I needed.

As I have stepped away from music for these past few years, I have embraced motherhood to its fullest, and am learning how to put my own needs first. Note: I did not say wants, but rather needs. It is much like the oxygen mask theory I am sure most of you have heard of by now. Still, it is important to have reminders now and again. When an airplane is going through severe turbulence, or is (heaven forbid) on it's way to something more severe, an oxygen mask drops from the ceiling. In the pre-flight information, the attendants explain that if you are traveling with a child, to place your own mask on before assisting your beloved child. This is so that you will have the tools you need to care for your child. Placing your needs first allows you to have the energy and strength to care for those entrusted to you. This is what I have needed to do, striven to do (albeit not always successfully) and continue to do. Yet, there was something still missing.

In order to find that something, that part of me that was either lost, forgotten, or perhaps not yet discovered or unveiled, I gradually left social media. First blogging, then Facebok and Twitter. Some people might think that this could mean the death of a reputation or business you have built. If that's the case, so be it. For me, it became about taking that last step in recreating who I am. In the past two months, I have: cleaned out my house, purged a great deal of “stuff” (which I was sad about then over time realized how freeing this has been), said goodbye to the dearest of friends, parents, my in-laws, and grandmother-in-law (some of whom I may ever again see in this life), buried a soul sister, stayed up all night talking, hugged my brother after he was imprisoned for 10 years, learned to change the oil in my car, moved 2000 miles across the country, fed bison, had nothing to do (aka: been bored), petted donkeys, visited a hidden Civil War Cemetery, been to the Smoky Mountains, walked to a waterfall, missed playing my piano, stayed off social media, made new friends, lived in a tent, developed an infected and excruciating heat rash, healed my body naturally, moved another few hundred miles, and moved into a new home where we currently have camping chairs for furniture, are eating from our camping dishes, have no dressers, no tv, no internet, are preparing to homeschool another year... and are thriving. I have discovered that what I was missing was already a part of me. I am happy. I am light. I am joyous. I am at peace.

One of the best parts of this journey was today, when I sat down at a piano, and just played. I played songs already written, and created new pieces just for me and God. I talked to Him through my playing and was reminded of a scripture once shared with me.  

"For the Lord God giveth light unto the understanding; for he speaketh unto men according to their language, unto their understanding."

Today, I truly communed with God through our common language: that of music. These past (nearly) three years I have felt more and more withdrawn from God, but did not know why. Now I do. I pushed Him away, Him and the incredible gift He gave me. By not aligning my will with His, I was fighting Him. This music is part of me, and when it is gone, I am no longer myself. Without my gifts, and more importantly without God, I cannot be the incredible Daughter He desires for me to be. It is what bonds us, joins us as Father and Daughter, Love and Light. Without the music – the gifts - He has blessed me with, I am nothing. Without Him I am nothing. So today, because I have opened the door and let them both back into my life full-heartedly, I am me once again.

How incredibly grateful I am to be eternally linked with a husband who supports me and never gives up on me; with children who are truly good souls and cheer each other on; with friends (old and new) who remind me how much God loves me; with an incredible Father in Heaven who has never doubted me, but sent His Son so that I could find myself again.

Thriving Joyfully,
Mama Dragon

Love Day

Today is Love Day. It is also the end of CHD Week. Knowing this, I think of my heart. Today, I am especially grateful for the stable beating it performs. Happy Love Day, my friends. Go out and share love today. 

My hand placed upon my chest

and I feel my beating heart

This magnificent creation

beats significant inspiration

No longer of what I was

but what I am yet to be

and I am on on my way

to reaching the Divine Me

God did not give me

a second chance

just for me to throw it out the door

He has proffered me miracles

He has sent Heaven's Light

He has heard my every prayer

He has breathed life into my soul

once again

So I shall love

each day

I shall rejoice

in Him

I shall know

that I am His

and through Him

by Him

for Him

because of Him

I breathe

I live

I love

and I am made

Whole again

Mama Dragon

Love Day 2016

Focused Beyond Distractions

Because it is Sunday, this entry will take on a more reverent meaning. Let's talk about Gideon of the Bible. When the Lord called him to free the Israelites out of bondage, he needed an awesome army to help him. There were tens of thousands in the beginning, but soon Gideon learned from the Lord that his army was too large. The more scared militiamen were sent away. They numbered 22,000. The rest were tested of their skills by drinking water from a spring. Wait... how is drinking water from a spring going to tell the Lord if they were ready to fight in His army? 

The majority were dismissed because they were too distracted. Some lapped water up like a dog. Some bowed on their knees to drink. They were so focused on their thirst, they did not give heed to what dangers could be lurking nearby. Aren't many of us guilty of this? I know I am. 

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We are too easily distracted! Are we aware how these distractions are a tool of the adversary who desires us to be distracted? When we are not paying attention, he can wiggle his way into our lives easier, thus pulling us further and further from the Divine potential awaiting us. More and more people are spending countless hours on social media. I know there are days I get sucked in all too easily. Perhaps others are distracted by outings that do not fill their souls but only empty their wallets. I could go one and on with examples, but that is not my intention today. I feel impressed to challenge each one of us (myself included) to ask yourself, "What is distracting me from reaching my potential? From doing the things God would have me do?" Pinpoint that distraction and either cut back on the time you are giving to it, or get rid of it altogether! Fill that time with wonderful, productive things! Volunteer at an assisted living home; read to children in the hospital; find a young mother who could use a hand learning to balance her life; pick up that language book you have been wanting to study; take up singing lessons; take more time to hug your kids, love on them, help them feel valued; or just sit and be still... just BE. 

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So who did Gideon end up with for his army? The ones that were chosen numbered only 300, because they drank by bringing the water to their mouths with their hands, their eyes always being alert and on the lookout of the enemy. Thousands were sent home and only a few hundred remained to fight for the cause of Good and Light. Amazingly enough, not one person was slain and his men still won the battle. (The story is in Judges 7 in the Old Testament as well as the links in this entry.)

Friends, God will provide a way for us to win the battles in our lives, many times in ways we do not understand. Our job is to be tuned in a focused to what He wants us to do and be ready when He asks us to do it. That is how we become Guardians of Light- by being teachable, focused, and ready. 

May you always drink from the spring by being focused beyond distractions. The water is more refreshing that way. 

Remaining Focused,
Mama Dragon

Anything

Due to some recent events in my life, I have been forced to take a hard look at some of my own personal choices in how I am caring for myself, and in turn caring for those that are my responsibility. It has been eye-opening, to say the least. This morning, as I have spent a few minutes with God, the question came to mind... What are you willing to do to accomplish God's will for you here on earth, to fulfill your mission before you return Home? Without hesitation, I responded, "Anything."  I mean this. It is truth.  

Like most people I know, life has been a series of constant uphill battles that seem to be lost more than won. Choices that you felt good about turned into the hardest trials of your life, rest only coming for a single day. And just when you think things are finally settling down, as Life and her trials pop up again, forcing you to be on our toes and you grab your sword and shield and prepare for yet another fight. You are exhausted, yet somehow, like the warriors of old, you keep going.... because you are willing to do so.

Time after time on social media, I will see loved ones post "I'm Done" because they cannot find one more ounce of strength to face the monsters in front of them. How hard life must be in those moments! Certainly we have all come to that point where we just cannot seem to go on one more day. When one gets to that low point, where is it they are drawing strength from? Is it from Facebook? Twitter? NBC? How about... from God?! If we focus our energy and became consciously aware of our literal connection with God, as His children, stripping away the World's view of what we should do or who we should become, and redirecting our efforts on who He knows we already are, where would we be? The only thing we would be "done" with is the negativity, the criticism, the ideals that come from a darkness God never wants us to give into!! We would know that because of a loving Heavenly Father sacrificing His Son, who Atoned for us, that we can do hard things, and we will be able to keep going. 

The other day I read a quote that said something like: Life will always be an uphill battle for those who are doing right. Isn't that truth? My Friends, we are not here in this life to rest and have vacations everyday. We are here to work, to learn, to further our Divine knowledge and prove to our Father in Heaven that we will do all it takes to return to Him again in His time, when we have accomplished all He wants us to. I ask: What are you willing to do? Are you willing to care for your one and only body He gave you? To find a belief system that aligns with His? To serve only in ways that the Savior would do? Are you willing to fight for your family so your children may have the best education? Are you willing to be on the internet less so your little girl can read to you and know that her time with you is valued? Are you willing to say no to that second job because although it may mean a more humble home, it means more time with your family? Day by day, we will each have decisions to make. Day by day we can strip down the incorrect ideals that surround us and be the person God intended for us to be since we were born. What are you willing to do to accomplish those things? What are you willing to do to fulfill your purpose here on earth? 

Finding my purpose, 

Mama Dragon

Preparing for Heaven

Those that are closest to me know that I am the great-niece of a prominent leader in the religious organization I belong to. His sister was my grandmother. My grandfather (her husband) was my uncle's best friend.

For a while now, we have known my uncle has been ill- the whole world has known. It is only today that it has been made public knowledge that in the very near future, he will be returning to his Heavenly Home. Although our family has had time to prepare, seeing it in the news headlines makes it that much more difficult. 

How does one prepare for heaven? I believe it is by living your best life. In a letter I just sent to my cousin who is very close to our uncle, I shared these thoughts- 

"I just.. want to tell him how much I love him, how much he has impacted my life, and the life of my family, for good. I want to share how my eldest is in the process of filling out his mission papers and he will serve with honor! Part of that credit goes to the example of our uncle. There is just never enough time in this life, is there? Will he ever know how his Christ-like example has saved my family more than once? When Grandpa died, Uncle Tom became like a surrogate to me. Although our busy lives have not allowed for us to see each other often, he still has been a guiding force in my life. I love him as a grandfather and I will miss him as one. 

I think of the sweet reunion awaiting in heaven- of my grandparents and the other siblings, of his sweet Virginia and their daughter- of his parents, (my) Uncle Jerry, and (my) Aunt Mignon.... and I cannot grieve too long. I rejoice in the beauty and love that awaits him, and I only grieve for those of us left behind. I pray that his pain is lessened in his last days and that he may go in peace."

To the world, he is an apostle of God. To me, he is my beloved uncle as well. Either way, I am better for having him in my life. There is no man greater than one who serves the Lord willingly. This is my uncle. In serving the world, he has served God. In that, we can rejoice when he is called Home. 

Working towards Heaven-

Mama Dragon

Courtesy: lds.org